Post 77

Post 77.       Posted Wednesday 4 PM April 23, 2025

Early on, I rejected my abusive father and subsequently hungered for love; whether for father, soulmate, or self, I did not know. Gays fall in love easily and experience the unique “craziness” of being emotionally smitten by another.

As a youth, I was certain that when I fell in love – it would be “forever.” Although expecting to love once, I fell deeply in love with two different men, one gay and the other straight. In my early twenties, discouraged at having searched years unsuccessfully for a soulmate, my unsuspecting heart did more than double flips the moment I spied Brad, and our eyes met. Our togetherness was immensely fulfilling, but the long-haul of happiness I expected was not to be. My ticket took me to a different destination.

My second trip through that turbulent, potentially reorienting tunnel, although certainly another happening of the heart, was hatched in the mind. It was a calculated, rationally-based adventure, two spiritually committed men exploring my soulful draw to him. It was a mutually agreed upon venture wherein I was permitted and able to love unreservedly, as a child loves his dad, and be appropriately loved in return. There was no concern about romantic interests. It was a healing happening, just what was needed for a deeply wounded heart. In our book, I detail my experience with that courageous and compassionate solid model of masculinity.  Rick was easy to love.*

Fortunately, our shared endeavor to fathom inner space was as successful as it was turbulent. How liberating it was to love openly and honestly. My childlike adoration was never restricted or subdued, and far-reaches of my soul were nourished.

Corrective emotional experiences can facilitate a profound modification of the sense of self. For me, a newness of being was begun. My intensely emotional experiences with Rick brought clearer understanding of the psychodynamics of homosexuality, both the way into and out of this convoluted and often paradoxical maze. Because of our healthful togetherness, I came home personally enriched and surprised to find myself a more caring husband. My love for Ann, my wise and encouraging wife, improved markedly and still grows, ages later. And feelings my friend and I shared have stood the test of time. After many decades, I am welcome still to unabashedly express respect and deep, heartfelt feelings for this brave man and his dear wife. She also saw the potential benefit of our pioneering brotherly encounter.