Post 86

Hello again,

It’s been said that there is no pancake so thin that it doesn’t have two sides. While there may be a “bon marché” now and then, there can also be “buyer’s regret.” Opposition in all things is a reality of life. There is up and down, cold and hot, near and far, sober and drunk, etc. And, there is another dichotomy. There are happy, well-adjusted gays, and those who are dissatisfied with their same-sex attraction. They would have their journey be different, were it possible.

Life is made up of time and choice. We hope to choose well, to benefit ourselves and others. Sometimes we are pleased with our behavior; other times we wish we had done differently. All behavior carries a price tag. Saying yes to one choice, is saying no to all other alternatives.

  Cognitive dissonance is the discomfort felt when struggling with two conflicting beliefs or when one’s actions go against their values or beliefs. People often change their thoughts to justify their behavior and make everything feel more consistent, confident and assured that we made the best and wisest decision. It helps us feel good about both what we’ve invested in and ourselves.

There is also the principle of “confirmation bias.”  This is a tendency to see and value things which support a conclusion previously made, while ignoring whatever would discount it.  

Gay authors, Marshal Kirk and Hunter Madsen’s book, After the Ball, came to be known as the “Bible” of the American Gay Revolution. In it they wrote of what they titled the “gay fairy tale,” of it being a fanciful illusion, and of “The curse of Mr. Right.” They ask:

…why do we continue to yearn for him after he disappoints us time and again?” (P 362 & 326)

Then they define further the gay trip which many experience:

 At first the increasingly jaded gay man seeks novelty in partners, rather than practices and becomes massively promiscuous; eventually, all bodies become boring, and only new practices will thrill. Two major avenues diverge in this yellow wood, two nerves upon which to press: that of raunch, and that of aggression. (P. 304)

Sadly, too many men move from their legitimate needs for love and affirmation to addictive depths of kink they would never have invited. I believe that initially gay men genuinely desire and seek love. But most one-night stands do not produce that hoped for relationship.

What if gay pride really is a reaction formation, a mental strategy designed to cover up and protect from its opposite –– shame? Would there not be benefits early on from looking at both sides of the homosexual pancake and considering limitations as well as positives? What if Mr. Right, the one gays spend their life searching for, really is themself? Men could bless their lives if they considered both sides of the issue.