Post 81

  Posted Saturday, June 7, 2025

Hello again -  In this post I wish to review particular aspects of homosexual development. Males are not born gay, and God does not make anyone gay. Neither are genes, hormones, or intrauterine development directly causative. Generally, we become like those with whom we associate. Or, conversely, we may become different from others through lack of opportunity to benefit from their benign association.

Homosexuality is adjustive behavior which evolves in response to inadequate and inappropriate socialization. Failure to identify with the male role and same-gender sex-object choice evolve lawfully and naturally, given identifiable antecedent events.

Gender-role estrangement gradually develops during critical periods of physical maturation as boys have alienating personality-distorting social and psychological experiences, generally first with one or both parents, and subsequently with peers. By the time they realize the fixedness of their same-sex erotic draw, they have passed that important period of identity affirmation which evolves through intimate same-sex sociality. At this point, they are likely seeking a different human connection, a soul mate.

Humans are created male or female and commanded to become one, primarily to know the joy of having and raising progeny. Psychologically, there needs to be an interpersonal chasm of difference (the unknown or exotic) for the spark of erotic attraction to generate the “craziness” of being in love.  Naturally, opposites attract, and those who become opposite-sex attracted have had their same-sex relational needs satisfied earlier. They gradually became less dependent upon other males as they grew secure in their gender-role identification and sense of personal worth.

As boys awaken sexually, those who did not have same-sex identity and relational needs met are sensually drawn to those who are different, ––others of their own sex.* They find themselves remote and estranged, inclined to connect with masculinity only symbolically, through obeisance to the phallic god that is representative of virility.

I will share one man’s report which supports this divergent pattern of growth. He wrote:

I remember that during the 2nd grade I had loved to play sports, especially baseball and football. Of course, at that age neither my friends nor I were very good at the sports, but we enjoyed the challenge. I remember asking my parents repeatedly if I could sign up for a baseball team. Neither would let me join. They were afraid I'd lose interest in it, and they would have spent the money for nothing. They didn't have any interest in coming to the games, and were afraid that it would be a great burden on their time. They also were afraid I'd get hurt. So, while the other kids my age were getting better at sports by being on teams and being taught by their fathers, I wasn't. Of course other people noticed that I wasn't good at sports and nobody wanted me on their teams at school. I was also teased because of my height, and the few extra pounds I'd managed to pick up.

I began to long for what my friends had. They seemed to understand each other in a way that I didn't. During the ages of 12 and 13 I was very preoccupied with these mysterious guys who always seemed to understand each other, but who to me seemed like some secret society that didn't want outsiders such as myself. During this time the intrigue I had in men began to turn to fantasy, and the fantasy became stronger and more vivid in my imagination as the years past.

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Homosexuality is not an adult sexual problem. It’s foundation is  legitimate but unmet same-sex relational and identity needs of childhood. As men understand how dynamics of their past have controlled their lives, they can chart a new future.

* But oh what I would have given to be Tommy's real best friend … how I wanted to be like him, to do the same mischievous, self assured things he did, to have muscles and blond hair and a smile like his. Nothing in our relationship would be disgusting, nothing unmentionable. Just to be like the Hardy boys, two Blood Brothers, two cowboys that's it two cowboys.” (P. 161, The Best Little Boy In The World, by John Reid.