Post 82

    Hello again,

The writings of gay authors are instructive regarding the tie between gay men’s draw to other men’s phallus and their own personal identity and relational deficits. They help define the motivation underlying same-sex sexuality. 

Homosexuals are in search of male potency and power, for a sense of masculinity they were deprived of in childhood. Their male identity was not validated and this loss is generally attributable to failed fathers. So many homosexual men report they did not have a positive relationship with their fathers. The phallus is symbolic of masculine power and virility. Famed gay author, Douglas Sadownick, wrote about two associates, prominent gay writers and activists, who were approaching death from AIDS. They were “… in their final moments, reduced to tears at the way in which the love from father (or father surrogates) seemed so out of reach. [They asked:] ‘Were we looking for our fathers through so much sex? ‘” 

Homosexuality evidences a wounding of the male soul.

I have stated previously my conviction that “The bedrock of homosexuality is an incomplete or devalued and distorted sense of self which leads to arrested psychosocial and psychosexual development. This arrest means that although these men are in adult bodies and often excel in many areas of their lives, they are, in the deepest recesses of their beings, very young, needful children.”

In his book entitled About Time: Exploring the Gay Past, prominent gay historian, Martin Duberman, candidly explained: “In some complicated way I think all my homosexual activity is an attempt (among other things) to identify with a masculinity I never was sure I had. Being entered by a man is perhaps the most direct way of incorporating and absorbing that masculinity.  … The fantasy remains strong: to be possessed by – – and thereby to possess  – – a real man and his qualities.”

Self-rejection, even self-hatred, deeply buried in the gay psyche, explains a bit why these men can be so vicious and virulently abusive of others with whom they disagree. Their disrespect of self is easily directed outward to those would question their views. In his book entitled Gay Body: A Journey Through Shadow to Self, author, Mark Thompson, was not referencing fellatio when he wrote: “It's no accident that we gay people have the awful tendency to self-destruct and eat our own.”

To believe is a choice. Many gay men choose to believe that their same-sex inclinations are biologically based rather than the result of inappropriate socialization. Yet, many gay men have written about the pain of their disordered family relationships, too many so for this dynamic to be discounted and ignored. Disordered family relationships, particularly absent and injurious fathers, have been regularly identified in the background of gay men by both researchers and clinicians. Activists’ promotion of biological causation is useful as it supports the idea of “It’s natural, therefore no choice and no need to change.”

Unfortunately, many gays fail to consider their past and the subconscious forces that constantly influence their thinking and behavior. Thompson incisively wrote: “The gay pride movement has worked hard at rebuking bad fathers: from the sins of the patriarchy to the deficiencies of personal dads who didn't provide the nurturing we needed. Those bad fathers live within us still, but we're too shielded against all the rage and pain that poor parenting wrecked to see it. We look for this lost love in others who are similarly wounded and therefore are just as blind, only to wonder why it often doesn't work out.”

It should be apparent that wounded boys and men deserve and require the paternal and brotherly love of genuinely caring heterosexual men. Such could facilitate an affirmation of personal worth that cycles of same-sex lust could never provide.