TikTok Post 17 and 18

Post 17

It’s obvious that gays are as adept at stereotyping as are straights. And once you label someone as the enemy, it’s easy to injure or write them off. There is justification for all of us to try to be a bit more humble. It opens the door just a crack to the possibility that we might gain new understanding.

                  Neither the bitterness nor cannons of the Stonewall revolt have quieted or cooled. Angry voices are ever more determined to vanquish their tormenters and take no prisoners. The sting of intolerance and rejection, all forms of abuse, keep fresh their ache. Both sides are certain they are right and that the other’s objectives are as unattainable as they are unacceptable.

                  I was 33 years old in1969, a date easy for gays to remember, when the fires of Stonewall were lit. Now, looking back from almost the 90 year mark, I’ve both learned and changed a lot. Men facing death don’t lie, and I need to share a few concepts that could bring a welcomed glimmer of hope to an age-old conundrum.

                  Clearly there has been justification for the anger and doubt about all the screwy psychoanalytic interpretations and pronouncements about the why of homosexuality and how easily men could be “cured.”  Objectives were not met, and despite genuine desire,

hopes regularly dimmed as men felt certain their inner essence wasn’t changing. 

In a bucket of crabs, any crab who tries to climb out will be pulled back down.

Painfully  aware of personal failures, it is easy for old-timers to denounce and discourage any who harbor hope of becoming new. Their annoyance and putdowns cut: “Get you, Mary, you’re just as messed-up as I am. I know what you’ve done and desire. Queer is what you are. Get used to it, for it’s how  you’ll  always be!”

This discouraging message is indeed not true. While gay men share many childhood and family relationship issues, all stories that have a similar beginning do not necessarily have the same ending. 661

POST 18

  Efforts continued to help gays correct their draws to the wrong sex. A variety of treatment modalities evolved. After psychoanalysts raised the white flag, aversive counter-conditioning and behavior modification took center stage. It was assumed that painful electric shock would surely redirect desire. Other approaches were employed including hypnosis, rational-emotive, and client-centered therapy. Despite modest personal gains, changes in one’s inmost inclinations were not achieved.

                  Neurosurgeon, Wilder Penfield, discovered that our brains vividly record all we have experienced. Whether we are 16 or 60, our past is ever with us. When we interact with others and our environment, we each uniquely create ourselves, honing even our sex-object choice and preferred patterns of erotic desire.  While  original conditions may not have been consciously chosen, the continual changes realized throughout our lives are ultimately the result of personal choice. Paths can change.

                  As a young clinician, it quickly became apparent to me that although unaware, many hurting people march to the beat of an unseen drummer. They are unable to do what they wish and rather do what they want to avoid. Sigmund Freud must be credited with helping us recognize that there is a deeper, primal level of mental functioning that continues to influence us in profound ways.

Although we may think we are driving our bus, it may not be true.

 I, too, traveled that trail of being apart and different, bearing the wounds of my own early childhood.