Regarding possible beginnings of gender-role estrangement, specifically where parents are not culpable, this very first autobiography of a gay man in America is relevant. It was published in1901, under the pen name of Claude Hartland. He wrote briefly of his early childhood. His memoire was obviously a plea for help. He was very distraught, after having not been victorious in a lifelong battle with himself. He expressed a hope that better understanding would be gained about his unusual inclination from which he was never able to extract himself.
Heartland described that while having “a beard and well-developed male genitalia,” he mostly possessed “the body and desires of a woman.” He defined his behavior as “effeminate” and reported that he “never felt one thrill of sexual desire for a female.”
Of particular note is the following: “When I was four years old, I burned three of my fingers very severely, and my mother made for them three little cases or stalls. I do not remember the burn in any way, but I clearly recall the stalls and how I loved them after my burns were well. This is as far back as my memory extends. From that time, I was not like other children.”
It is not difficult to imagine this injured child requiring his mother’s intensive and prolonged care. Of course, he would need to be indoors (with only his mother and sister) during times his father and brothers were managing harsh, strenuous outdoor farm tasks.
He reported preferring to be alone. Stealing away from his brothers, he would go into the woods and sit by himself for hours dreaming. He described himself as “sensitive to the extreme.” He said, “I cared for nothing that boys of my age usually like. My only toys were dolls and, my playmates were the birds and flowers. When I was not out in the woods dreaming, I was sitting by my mother or sister, either sewing or watching them with all interest.” . . . With my dolls, my dreams and my sewing, I lived till I was eight years of age, when my perverted nature took on new and graver elements.”
Later he wrote, “If my parents could have seen the dark future in store for me, I might have been saved, but they did not understand. They thought of me only as a peculiar child and nothing more.
Imploringly, Hartland wrote, “These are delicate matters, it is true, and unpleasant to contemplate, but they are facts all the same, graver than delicate, and sadder than unpleasant ––facts that must be seriously considered by the mothers and fathers of our country; otherwise, I tremble for the future of society. ...I believe a great step can be taken toward relieving such sufferers as myself.… [To the medical community], he pled, will you help me? If I could make you understand how numerous we are, and how intense our sufferings, every tongue would utter “yes.”
I believe this report sheds light on factors that could disrupt the bond between young children and their parents.
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