Post 62

         Hello again. I wish to share a most important post, about the great paradox of homosexuality.

          Edward Sagarin, father of the American gay revolution, acknowledged his desire to be free of “the compulsive sexual urge that drives me toward my own sex.” His efforts failed and he adamantly proclaimed, “No teacher but life itself could have convinced me that homosexual passions do not come and go at will but cling relentlessly to the last breath of life.” Surely his view is shared by many who have desired but been unable to stop being erotically attracted to other men.

         For years I tried to understand why I was so driven. I knew sex between men had been considered immoral in most cultures for centuries. I questioned: “If the sexual behavior truly is so wrong, why is the drive so strong.” It finally dawned on me that the error was in thinking that same-sex attraction and same-sex sexuality meant the same thing, both bad. But this is not true; they are not the same. Hence the paradox. Being same-sex oriented is not negative, but rather an exhortation, a call to duty. The magnetism is not for sexuality, but to move toward being truly one with other men, not symbolically through sex, but with heart, mind, and soul. Both heterosexuals’ rejection of gays and gays’ rejection of heterosexuals is a stalemate that could be eliminated if walls of ignorance and misunderstanding were torn down.

The compulsion that will stay with gay men until their last breath is the soul’s teleological imperative for men to fully join their gender tribe. It is the press to mature and bring to fulfillment the male self, the ability to complement a member of the opposite sex and realize the joy and expansion of fatherhood.

        To internalize the masculinity to which all men are called, gays need to stop distorting healthful social/emotional male connections with sexuality, confusing sexual desire  with the need to grow. Gay men can welcome their draw to other men and use non-erotic togetherness for liberation and to live life more abundantly.