Post 63

Hello again. I wish to share a few words of personal introduction. I am a very blessed man, although I have not always felt this way. I have lived two lives, one gay and one straight. In a few months, I will enter my ninetieth year. My wife and I will soon be entering our sixtieth year of marriage. We are parents, grandparents, and great grandparents and, over the years, have gratefully become one, physically and spiritually. We have enjoyed a full, rich life together. But much earlier I had embarked on a different path.  

I began the gay trip early. I believe I was launched on the homosexual trajectory when I was a little over one year old. That was when the emotional bond with my mother was severed by her sudden death. From that point, a series of events funneled me into a preference for same-sex erotic encounters. When I was four, I was introduced to sexual play by an older boy whom I desired for a playmate. But he only wanted to get together for sex. I pursued this intense sensual engagement with other boys through high school and into big city gay life. Early on I rejected and avoided my demeaning, abusive dad despite being starved for paternal love. For years, I searched for a buddy and soulmate. Involvement in gay life ended abruptly in my early twenties when a crisis required a hard choice and a new journey.

I have spent the rest of my life studying to better understand the gay conundrum. I have written about that effort in our book. My new trek ultimately required everything I had to give. Gratefully, I received so much more in return. I know an alternative route is truly a viable, rewarding option for gay men. I hope to share where and how I directed my efforts, what worked for me.